You wouldn’t propose on a first date. You wouldn’t ignore your partner of five years and expect them to stick around. Different stages of a relationship need different words. Buying is the same, and most small businesses write one message and send it to everyone — the stranger, the maybe, and the person who’s already bought from them twice — like they’re all standing in the same place.
Here’s how to break it into stages:
Cold — a stranger who’s never met you
Imagine Barb’s Busty Bras runs a cold ad, aimed at women who’ve never heard of the business, that says: “What’s your bra size?”
No context. No relationship. Straight to the most intimate question available, asked by someone the audience has never met. It’s the ad equivalent of a stranger walking up and proposing marriage. Technically direct. Deeply unhinged. Converts nobody, and might just get you reported.
A cold ad that actually works sounds more like: “Nobody warns you how uncomfortable bras get by week 30.” Relatable, low-stakes, no personal question required. The ask that follows is small — a free bra-fit guide, a follow, an email address — not a sale and definitely not a bra size.
Warm — you’ve been on a few dates
Warm is the email list, the person who’s browsed the site twice, the follower who’s liked three posts but never bought. They know Barb’s Busty Bras exists. They haven’t decided if they trust it yet.
Bad warm looks like: “10% off everything. Shop now before it’s gone!” — sent every few days, no story, no reason behind it. It reads like being asked to move in on the second date.
Good warm looks like: “Jess told us this was the first bra in three years that didn’t leave marks by 3pm. If you’ve been living in the wrong size too, here’s where to start.” — with a plain link at the bottom. The ask is there, but it’s not the point of the message. It’s a door left open, not a hand held out — nobody’s shoving you through it.
Some people will convert at warm. That’s fine. The ask just isn’t the reason you showed up.
Hot — you’re already together
Hot isn’t just “past customers.” It’s anyone showing purchase intent: people who abandoned a cart, people who handed over their email specifically to get a discount or join a waitlist, high engagers commenting and replying to stories, and actual repeat customers. Permission already exists with all of them. Don’t go quiet just when you’ve built the relationship. Pop the question.
Bad hot looks like: “EOFY SALE — 20% OFF STOREWIDE” — sent to the whole segment once a quarter, if that, with total silence in between.
Good hot looks like: “The Wildflower print sold out in 48 hours last time. It’s back for one week only — grab yours before it’s gone again.” — sent fortnightly to the whole segment together: abandoned carts, engaged followers, past customers. Specific detail, strong call to action, no vague “check out our new stuff.”
Great hot looks like: “Hey Steph — we just brought the Wildflower print back in your size. Thought of you first, before this goes out to anyone else.” — sent to one specific customer, about one specific thing she bought before. High effort, high lift, worth it for the customers who’ve earned it.
Reducing the sales ick
The discomfort of feeling “salesy” usually comes from asking before you’ve been shown you’re wanted. A relationship sends signals both ways. By the time you pop the question directly, the other person should already be showing you they like you — opening the emails, clicking through, replying, coming back to browse. Those are the green lights. If they’re there, the direct ask isn’t pushy, it’s just the next obvious step. If they’re not there yet, that’s warm, not hot, and the ask should be smaller.
Signs something’s off
- Your cold ad has a high cost per click. It’s usually asking for too much, too soon.
- Your hot audience ads don’t result in sales. If people who already know and like you aren’t converting, the ask or the offer is off, not the audience.
- People aren’t moving through the stages — they pile up in warm and stall. That’s usually a sign the ask never actually shows up, or the same soft touch keeps repeating without ever getting more direct.
- Your abandoned cart or waitlist emails go unopened. If a segment that already showed intent isn’t engaging, the follow-up isn’t earning the open.
- Two completely different segments are getting the exact same message. If the cold ad and the hot email read identically, only one of those stages is actually being served.
Start small
You don’t have to segment every message right now. Start with your hot leads — give them a bit of special treatment first. Once that’s converting and it’s systemised, move on to warm.